"God loves us the way we are, but he cares too much to leave us that way"

Follow up on my first post...

Recently I have been hearing a lot about my ex's recent exploits, and they are not pretty. One of his friends contacted me asking if I thought that he was a good person and she let me know of all the stuff that has been going on with him. I didn't know any of this until a day or two ago because I am not in contact with him at all any more. Since I have learned all of this stuff that he has been doing (whether it is true or not) I felt really responsible for all of the bad stuff that has been happening in his life. Over the last couple days it has been a real burden on me. I was trying to think of anything that I could do to help him realize that his life doesn't have to be like this. After thinking about it for a while I decided to buy a book that has helped me out a lot and send it to him anonymously in the hope that he would read it and reconsider some of the decisions he is making in his life. I bought the book yesterday and decided to leave it in his mailbox, maybe with a few bible verses on the inside just as a reminder of what he is missing in his life without Jesus.

Today when I was in the car with my mom and sister coming home from church, my sister mentioned the book that I was planning on giving to my ex. She explained that she was thinking about buying the same book for one of her friends. In that moment God spoke to my heart. It felt like He was telling me that my ex's future wasn't in my power to change, and that I should leave it in His capable hands. It is not my responsibility to take care of him or lead him in the right path no matter how much I feel like it may be. I can't change anyone, change can only be done on a personal level with the help of Jesus Christ. In time I hope that my ex will change for the better, but that is up to him and not me. In the end I told my sister that she could take the book I ordered and give it to her friend because I wouldn't need it any longer. I felt that giving him the book would be taking responsibility for him and I am not going to do that any longer.

In the end all you can do is love others and hope and pray for God's will to be done, because He is the ultimate drive for change.

Being Timid

I hate being timid and non-confrontational. I hate not knowing how, or not having the courage to speak up when someone is hurting or confiding in me. So many people are hurting and I can't seem to help them no matter how much I wish I could, sometimes I just can't get the words out. I want to knock some sense into people, help people better themselves, but being timid stops me before I can even get a word out. What if they don't like what I say? What if they want to argue with me? What if they hate me for what I say? These questions stop me before I can say anything. I want to speak up when my friends are making bad decisions, but I don't want them to hate me for it or argue over it. It hurts knowing that I have something to say but I keep it inside.

Is it really better to do the easy thing and keep my feelings inside and let them do what they are doing, or speak up and possibly help change them no matter the consequences?

My Favorite!

This was taken in Wheeler across a bay out there. Love the reflection in the water and old looking platform.

Pictures at the beach

I know this is becoming more of a blog about my crazy pictures, but I promise I'll write something important soon! Most of these were taken around Rockaway Beach, OR

More Pictures!!!

Here are some pictures that I took yesterday. There should be more to come also because I am spending part of the long weekend at the beach with my sisters! It's supposed to be really rainy, but ya never know! Most of these were taken while I was walking around my neighborhood, and some were just me having fun with one of Hannah's roses that she got for directing Candid. Enjoy!

These are some pictures I took and/or edited in the last few days. :)

Leaving the lights on...

So, today I accidentally left the lights on in the car I was using while parked out behind the Cornerstone Grill on Cedar st. (Where I usually park when I go to my economics class) It was raining horribly and I swore a little when I realized it (not one of my proudest moments today). I grabbed my umbrella and swam (walked, whatever) all the way over to another parking lot on the Pacific campus where my mom's van was parked. I drove her van over to the parking lot with the car in it. I then put the car in neutral and pushed it back while steering and while being rained on, and slipping and sliding around in the lake which was previously the parking lot. Then I ran over to the van to pull it up next to the car to jump it. I opened both of the hoods and tried to connect the jumper cables, but they were too far apart! I had to run over to the drivers side of the van to pull it forward a little more so the cords could reach. I connected the cords and started the van, then I ran back to the car to start that, and then ran back to the van to rev the engine a little to pump some extra juice into the car battery. After that I turned off the van but let the car run for a little while while I took off the cables and pulled it back into my previous parking spot. Then I brought the van back into my mom's previous parking spot and breast-stroked back to the car.

I went to turn on the car for the second time and it WOULDN'T START AGAIN! It was then I decided to call my mom and ask her to bring the van over to help me. She said she would be there in about 7 minutes. During that time I pushed the car back so we could attach the cables again and during that time I laughed aloud. I never realized before today that God was so much like my earthly father. He too loves to play practical jokes on me! Teasing me by showing me that the car was working when it actually didn't when I needed it, but not going too far. It wasn't as bad as it could have been because I happened to have the keys to the van, and my umbrella, it was a light day of classes for me, so I had time to be running (or swimming) around on a wild goose chase, and in the end my mom had some spare time to help me out of my bind so I didn't have to walk home! Thanks God for keeping me looking to the sunny side!

First Post... YAY!

Recently I just got out of a very unhealthy relationship, and replaced it with the greatest one of all, one with my heavenly father. I always thought of myself as a Christian, but I did a lot of very un-Christian-like things. I felt like such a hypocrite, so I tried to hide everything that I was doing wrong by lying to my friends and family. I tried for a long time to fix my problems on my own, but it never seemed to work out the way I wanted it to, and I kept getting back into that unhealthy relationship. I didn't understand why God would not let me be close to him doing things my way. Last week on Sunday after a sermon from Pastor Randy Remington (Beaverton Foursquare Church) about truth, and being a transparent person. Not literally (saran wrap!), but just being the same person on the inside as you are on the outside. I felt that I was doing everything right on the outside, and trying to hide my insides from everyone. That day God spoke to me and told me to do one of the two things that I told myself I would never do, and that was tell my mom the truth. I told my mom about my lies in her minivan after that church service, and that sparked the change in my life. She forgave me and we talked like we haven't talked in five years, heart to heart.

After that day I felt so free. I couldn't believe how much my lies were weighing my heart down. I was a generally cheerful and happy person on the outside, but shy. Now I understand that my shyness was probably caused by my lies. I mean, why would I want to talk at all, or make new friends if there is a possibility that I would feel like I need to lie to them too? Anyways, November 1st was the beginning of the month, and the beginning of my father-daughter relationship with God. I love the feeling of being truly happy, and the feeling of love that I have in my heart thanks to God.

On Thursday I went to see a counselor/pastor at my church named Elizabeth. She helped me realize a lot about my life and the next step that I should be taking, which happened to be the second thing that I told myself that I would never do: completely break off my contact with the person that I was in the unhealthy relationship with. After some praying and talking to my mom about it I decided that I would talk to him about what I was being lead to do on Friday evening after work. I was going to plan and type out some ideas for what I was going to say to him on my lunch break, but certain circumstances caused me to have a very short lunch break, with no time to really think about what I was going to say to him. I told him what I had decided to do when I got off of work and he didn't take it very well at first. He told me about all of the reasons he still needed me, but as he was saying those reasons, all I could think about is that those are not the reasons he needed me, but the reasons why he needed GOD. I stuck with my decision and eventually he accepted it, we hugged it out and he left the room, and my life, but not my thoughts and prayers.

Last week I didn't really know where to go after that decision. I wanted to tell the world about this change in my heart, but I decided that instead I want people to notice for themselves. I want people in my life to see the change through my words and actions. I want to be a genuine transparent Christian, and a vessel for Christ to help people through me.

So this is mainly why I began this blog. To keep me truthful with myself and remind everyone who reads this about The Sunny Side of life!