Recently I just got out of a very unhealthy relationship, and replaced it with the greatest one of all, one with my heavenly father. I always thought of myself as a Christian, but I did a lot of very un-Christian-like things. I felt like such a hypocrite, so I tried to hide everything that I was doing wrong by lying to my friends and family. I tried for a long time to fix my problems on my own, but it never seemed to work out the way I wanted it to, and I kept getting back into that unhealthy relationship. I didn't understand why God would not let me be close to him doing things my way. Last week on Sunday after a sermon from Pastor Randy Remington (Beaverton Foursquare Church) about truth, and being a transparent person. Not literally (saran wrap!), but just being the same person on the inside as you are on the outside. I felt that I was doing everything right on the outside, and trying to hide my insides from everyone. That day God spoke to me and told me to do one of the two things that I told myself I would never do, and that was tell my mom the truth. I told my mom about my lies in her minivan after that church service, and that sparked the change in my life. She forgave me and we talked like we haven't talked in five years, heart to heart.
After that day I felt so free. I couldn't believe how much my lies were weighing my heart down. I was a generally cheerful and happy person on the outside, but shy. Now I understand that my shyness was probably caused by my lies. I mean, why would I want to talk at all, or make new friends if there is a possibility that I would feel like I need to lie to them too? Anyways, November 1st was the beginning of the month, and the beginning of my father-daughter relationship with God. I love the feeling of being truly happy, and the feeling of love that I have in my heart thanks to God.
On Thursday I went to see a counselor/pastor at my church named Elizabeth. She helped me realize a lot about my life and the next step that I should be taking, which happened to be the second thing that I told myself that I would never do: completely break off my contact with the person that I was in the unhealthy relationship with. After some praying and talking to my mom about it I decided that I would talk to him about what I was being lead to do on Friday evening after work. I was going to plan and type out some ideas for what I was going to say to him on my lunch break, but certain circumstances caused me to have a very short lunch break, with no time to really think about what I was going to say to him. I told him what I had decided to do when I got off of work and he didn't take it very well at first. He told me about all of the reasons he still needed me, but as he was saying those reasons, all I could think about is that those are not the reasons he needed me, but the reasons why he needed GOD. I stuck with my decision and eventually he accepted it, we hugged it out and he left the room, and my life, but not my thoughts and prayers.
Last week I didn't really know where to go after that decision. I wanted to tell the world about this change in my heart, but I decided that instead I want people to notice for themselves. I want people in my life to see the change through my words and actions. I want to be a genuine transparent Christian, and a vessel for Christ to help people through me.
So this is mainly why I began this blog. To keep me truthful with myself and remind everyone who reads this about The Sunny Side of life!